I'm winter!

You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.(If you can't see
tje pics, go to my homepage and look near the
bottom and find your result)

What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by

What you waiting for?

Hey peeps. On Friday Gwen Stefani's single from the dance album, still untitled, was played on KROQ in LA, and KISS. If you wanna check it out, go to:

http://bsonline.trulyobsessed.com. There are two versions at beacon street online: an instrumental version and a studio version.

I have a different version which isn't very clear, but over on the No Doubt forum I've heard that this one rocks. Personally, I *LOVE* it! If I smarter I could put the song up so you could actually hear it on my site. But, I don't know how to do that.

As far as I know, the single *officially* drops in early October, but it will get radioplay as soon as Wednesday. On October 13th on MTV at 6pm (EST) there will be a "Making The Video" special on What You Waiting For. The album, still untitled, is scheduled to drop on the 23rd of November. (The album has, according to rumors, been called "What You Waiting For" and "Love, Angel, Music, Baby.")

What You Waiting For
(Gwen Stefani)

What an amazing time
What a family
How did the years go by?
Now its only me...

Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...

Like a girl in heat stuck in a moving car
A scary conversation, shut my eyes
Can't find the brake
What if they say that your a clutter?
Naturally I'm worried if I do it alone
Who really cares cause it's your life
You never know it could be great

Take a chance, cause you might grow

Oh, oo, oh(Chorus x2)
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for?

Take a chance, you stupid ho
Like an echo pedal, you're repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, Bloom to perish
You know you're wigging out
Cause of your sex chromosome
I know its so messed how our society'll think
(For sure)
Life is short, your capable. (Uh-huh)
Oh, oo, oh
Look at your watch now
You're still a super hot female
You've got your million dollar contract
And they're all waiting for your hot track

(Chorus x2)
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for?

I can't wait to go back into Japan
Gimme lots of brand new fans
Its Osaka, Tokyo
You Harajuku girls
Damn, you've got some wicked style

Go!

Look at your watch now
You're still a super hot female
You've got your million dollar contract
And they're all waiting for your hot track

(Chorus x2)

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for?
What you waiting for?
Take a chance you stupid ho

my horoscope

Scorpio Horoscope for 9/27 - 10/3
This week's scenario is highlighted by organizing a schedule and sticking to it. You'll need to be a good conductor. A little irritability early in the week is your spur to action. You can move now with both grace and speed. Go to it! There's a tremendous amount of information on your plate. Work will likely demand that you do a juggling act to keep everything going at the same time. Your analytical style could suffer in such a fast-moving environment. You'll need to get a quick impression of a situation and then move on. You won't have much time for reflection. You may be forced to guess. Others call this "using your intuition." Try it. Secrets may play an important role in your feelings. Perhaps it's the information that only you have. You can feel pressured to cough up data that was given to you in confidence. Don't give it up, no matter what promises are made to you. Instead, return to the source and make sure they give you the OK to release the information. Your super-sharp perceptions can be quite helpful now. Bypass all the peripheral stuff and go right to the core of the matter. Once you get your positive motion to flow, your goals will clearly come into focus.

(This horoscope provided by Astrology Source. Learn about your inner self, friends, and lovers.)

What's up with the puppets?

Cookie Monster's Bulimia Nervosa

Yes, cookies *are* good. But too much of anything
is never a good thing. Instead of bingeing and
purging, try to regulate your eating habits.
Maybe instead of having two dozen cookies, you
could have two. Also, you should slow down
your eating. Chew each bite several times
before swallowing. Eating more slowly makes it
easier to tell when you are full. And don't
worry about body image--people love you just
the way you are, googly eyes and all.

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
brought to you by

Beauty Contest

"Beauty Contest"
(G. Stefani, T. Kanal)
(Return of Saturn [Japanese Release] 2000, Everything In Time 2003)

Damsel in distress is quite submissive
Look how sun burnt my vanity is
Effeminate human creature
Superficial seducing detour
I'm going to the mall for the cookie-cutter
The ugly duckling will always suffer
Contaminated standards, don't try to fight it
I better get back on my diet

Obsessed with the beauty contest
Beauty contest
How'd my vanity get such a mess?
Beauty contest
I'm obsessed

Reduce myself, I've got the strict restrictions
Not sexy enough without the regulations
Molten point countdown my fading features
Born to Blossom, and bloom to perish

Obsessed with the beauty contest
Beauty contest
I've got to get out of this mess
Beauty contest

I'm obsessed
And I've fallen, I can't help myself
I'm feeling envious of all the rest
You're bringing out the lemming in me
A victim of the cattle-call disease
Not easy to be me

I feel swollen
Obsessed with the beauty contest
Beauty contest

How'd my vanity get such a mess?
Beauty contest
Obsessed with a beauty contest
Obsessed with the beauty contest
Beauty contest
I've got to get out of this mess
Beauty contest
Obsessed with the beauty contest
Obsessed with the beauty contest
Beauty contest
How'd my vanity get such a mess?
Beauty contest
Caught up in the beauty contest
And I feel swollen
How'd my vanity get such a mess?
(Interscope Records)

Tomorrow night I've been invited to a pub crawl, and I promised, promised Phuong that I'd go. So I guess I'm going.

Thursday night I was huddled under the covers praying for freedom from my fever. She and Lisa went to Santana Row and went to a bunch of bars there. Apparently they both got a little tipsy. Phuong and I are lightweights when it comes to liquor. They'd gone in Phuong's car, but she felt too drunk to drive and gave her keys to Lisa so they'd both make it back in one piece.

Lisa drove them back to her apartment cuz Phuong didn't wanna go home drunk (afraid her parents would know.) When morning came, Lisa had know idea how they'd made it back to the apartment-- didn't even remember driving or watching TV. Friday morning she was incapacitated from, and I quote, "the worst fucking hangover to have ever plagued mankind."

Talk about lucky.

Earlier last week, Phuong was complaining to me about *her* crush. This is quite possibly the longest crushes ever (two and half years and counting). Anyway, she goes back and forth between loving him and hating him. Hers is a kinder, gentler form of stalking. She's got her spies, they are everywhere. And as a result, we know tons of stuff about him though there has been little interaction between them. (Except a group trip to Britannia Arms before graduation day.)

I think her crush is fading though. From asking around, we've determined that, as far as anyone knows, he's only ever dated white girls. Plus he said something about Vietnamese people which Phuong didn't take to kindly to.

"Dude, I can't change my race. I can't help the fact that my eyes are slanted and brown-- I couldn't even bleach my hair blonde enough for him," and "eye make up won't change the shape of my eyes, believe me, I've tried," she stated rather emphatically. So I said, "Yeah, it sucks when someone won't date you because you're Vietnamese." But I also added silently, 'or if he won't date you because you are not Asian.' So we're both wishing we are something that we are not. We both hate ourselves.

If that's it, if he only dates white girls, then I find this very ironic. You know, considering that *my* ex-crush only dates Asian girls. What's that expression, "the grass is always greener....."

Anyway, how I'm possibly going to afford a pub crawl is beyond me. Especially considering that I just blew a bunch of money on new clothes. (What does one do if her form of therapy could lead to possible bankruptcy?) Although I have been feeling pretty damn tired I think I'll go. I haven't had a good night out in a long time-- I keep backing out cuz I've been feeling like crap.

My chest just hurts! Pain that happens when you breathe just isn't fun.

Born to blossom, and bloom to perish ~ Tragic Tuyen

PS. Apparently, Marilyn Manson is engaged to Dita Von Teese.

Also, where the f*** have I been? Joey Ramone died of prostate cancer on September 15th.

Joey Ramone
1948- 2004

P.S

Guess who has a fever of 100 degrees? Again!! Guess I''ll just crawl under some blankets and hope the tylenol pm starts to work. (sigh)

Sick of it all

I was actually going to post this sooner but I was too freakin' tired. Why do I hate everyone? Why did I write that to end my last post?

On Monday night Phuong called me to ask me if I wanted to have a meal at the steakhouse. I drove to Phuong's and the three (Phuong, Mai, and I) of us went to the restaurant for our free meal. Lisa who had a night class that ended at 8:45pm was going to meet us there. Hwa (Phuong's middle sister) works there and arranges these free meals. Hwa's new boyfriend also works there so we got to meet (re: tease) him. He seems pretty sweet. And funnY!!!!

We got seated and were instructed by Hwa to order whatever we wanted because, this time, she didn't even want us to tip. (!!!) Steven (Hwa's bf) got off of work early and so joined us. We ordered three appetizers because there would eventually be six of us having dinner. We ordered for Lisa before she got there. (She instructed Phuong via cell phone as to her meal.) Lisa, although very sweet, has to be the pickiest eater known to man. All I've ever, EVER, seen her eat are tuna salad sandwiches, plain rice,mashed potatoes, and steamed brocoli.

Anway, Lisa was a bit late because there had been crazy traffic due to two closed lanes on 880. When she got to the restaurant she looked like she was going to kill someone. The first words out of her mouth were "I need a beer! The traffic is fuckin' crazy out there!"

Our food had come and we started to feast. Lisa had a few bites of her mashed potatoes when she looke right at me and says, "So, I heard you were giving Lara all kinds of dirty looks at the ball game!!"

What? "What? Says who?" I asked. I didn't even have time to talk to the girl.

While we had been waiting to be seated, Phuong and I got on the subject of Lara. Phuong expressed that "I don't like that Lara girl. I just don't." So, even though this Lara chick is dating my crush, I defended her. I was trying to point out that maybe she felt intimidated being with such a big group of strangers, or maybe she was too shy to talk to us because she has a very heavy accent. Phuong just looked at me and nodded 'no', "No, that girl, man, she's just such a bitch."

Phuong interjected "Yeah, that's why I don't fuckin' like her. I was talking to Tony yesterday (Sunday) and he told me that Lara told him you were giving her nasty looks and being a bitch!" "But when, when was I being a bitch? There were two people between her and I!" Lisa took a bite of french bread and explained "Well! It was when Tony and his friend went to get hot dogs and soda!! Don't you remember?" and she started to laugh.

"Don't worry, I put him straight!" Phuong said. "I told him I hang out with you all the time and you've never been anything but sweet-- you don't have a malevolent bone in your body. He finally agreed with me" this was said much more forcefully.

What the hell!

I was trying to be thoughtful at the game. Lara and Tony chatted the whole game away, so it's not like I spoke to him or her! I wasn't hanging all over Tony, I kept my hands to myself. I went out of my way to leave them alone and not try to be a third wheel. Whatever.

But what really pisses me off is that I thought we were friends. Although I did have a crush on Tony, it's not like I'm all over him. My group of friends is Phuong, Hwa, Mai, Lisa, and Tony. I asked him to go to a concert once but it was very non-chalant and more like 'hey, I've got an extra ticket to a concert and I can't find anyone to go' and not at all like ' hey, I like you-- wanna fuck?' We didn't go to the concert and neither one of us ever brought it up again. We hung all the time and it wasn't wierd at all. So, yeah. I thought we were friends but I guess I was wrong.

At least everyone is with me on this. Except for one glaring exception. Screw them. I don't need this kind of high school jealousy drama. I didn't even do anything wrong

Here is one of my favourite songs by the Distillers, from the album "Sing Sing Death House".

"Sick Of It All"

Murder murder a ripe blood stain
Pulled the fucking trigger cause I'm sick of it all

Muder murder a ripe fucking hate
Pulled the fucking trigger cause I'm sick of it all

I went to school today with an Uzi
There's this kid,he teased me
So I shot him in the face
All the world's light won't ease my pain
It won't cease,I'm diseased
Will you hang me please?
I'm a nihilist
Raised on violence
What do I do?
I'm American youth
All my life I've lived in silence
I'm gonna snap, I'll get you back shit

I'm a girlI'm only thirteen
My body rots Cause I won't fucking eat
I'm a silent star on the b-roll
I'm a mirror fucking image of no control
Give me an award
I conquered food again
What else is better in life than to purge my pain?
If I cut,I won't look like that
If I cut,If I cut,I won't feel like this shit

We are kids
We think life is a scam
We come from a wasted land
We are kids we play punk rock and roll
If we didn't we got no soul

We are different fucking kids with the same heartbeat
We got one pulse running through the streets
They are our arteries

We are different fucking kids with the same heartbeat
We got one pulse running through the streets
I am a part of this

We are kids
We think life is a scam
We come from a wasted land
We are kids we play punk rock and roll
If we didn't we got no soul

(2002 Hellcat records)

PS. Tragic, while she realises it's slightly mental and boorish to refer to herself in the third person, wants to point out that she is *crush* free.

<3 Tragic Tuyen

........................

Self Esteem

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem
We make plans to go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
All this rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so
When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right?
Now I'll relate this a little bit
That happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night she knocks on my door
Drunk again and looking to score
Now I know I should say no
But that's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb
But I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem

The Offspring
Smash

I got to thinking about this old song, so I thought I'd put it up even though it doesn't really apply to me right now.

PS. I HATE EVERYONE.

My Milk Shake Brings All the Boys To The Yard!

After hiding from my friends since the game, I decided to try. It was just me, Lisa B., Phuong and Mai for most of the night. We watched the A's play the Seattle Mariners on TV. (The A's lost... AGAIN!) When the Mariners really started to pull ahead, we started watching "Third Watch", which had it season premiere tonight.

I actually started to feel hungry tonight (appetite has been wonky for awhile now). My dad and I had gone out to lunch at Sonny's and I ordered imperial roll over rice noodles (I think the translation would be Bun Cha Gio) and coconut juice (Nuoc Dua Tuoi). I only ate like half of it even though I had no breakfast. That was all I ate until 11pm. Originally, our plan was to have Vietnamese sandwiches.

When we set out from Phuong's house we were headed towards Lee's Sandwiches on Story Road, which had just closed. Then we headed to Lee's Sandwiches on White Road, which had also closed. (One is open an hour longer than the other, but we were just too late.) Then Phuong decided our best chance was Prolific Oven in Santa Clara. As we pulled into the driveway, the employees turned off the sign. Red Robin was right next door, but none of us really have the cash flow for something like that. So we got back on 101 South.

There were quite a few restaurants open in the "little Saigon" area but Lisa is a picky eater, so we (Phuong and I) were leaving it up to her. Nha Trang restaurant (http://www.nhatrangrestaurant.com) was open, but it was, again, probably too pricey for us cheapskates. We finally decided on Pho Lee, on Tully Avenue. It's one of those 24 hour establishments.

As we cruised past, Lisa said "Oh my god, look at all the people in there-- and there's like-- one white guy in the whole place." I couldn't resist when I asked "Was is Tony?" Since, you know, he's all into those Asian girls. (A group to which, I sadly, do not belong.) Which made all three of us crack up so hard. I don't think the proprietress of Pho Lee had ever seen a white girl with pink hair in her establishment before. I think Lisa was a bit intimidated, but, whatever, I'm used to being stared at. The group of kids that came in after us were a bunch of emo kids with their token white friend (as Phuong says.)

Phuong and I shared the seafood soup, and Lisa got...... steamed rice. At least she put some soy on it. We did get her to taste a noodle though.

During the process of trying to figure out what to order (which was really all about explaining different food stuffs to Lisa) because she hadn't really had Vietnamese food before, but "Loves Thai Food." Phuong was explaining vermicelli noodles, Ramen noodles, egg noodles, etc. Finally, she got to chow fat noodles. I was trying to help at this point because the waitress had been by at least 4 times to ask us if we were ready to order, and, clearly, was quite peeved that we were not. "Yeah, it's like chow mein noodles, but fatter" Phuong said. I added "Like pad thai, but fatter. They're sort of look like bamboo in wonton soup."

Silence.

Then Lisa just erupted into laughter and proclaimed "I'm just a white honky from Fresno! I have no idea what you're talking about," at which point we all started to laugh rather loudly.

The seafood soup was great! I'd never had it before. Also I got a mango shake, and Phuong got an avocado shake (Sinh To Bo). I tried some of Phuong's shake because, it always sounded kind of wierd to me, but they sell it at Sonny's and Quickly Tea, so it must be popular. It was actually much much better than I expected. I might give it a whirl next week at Quickly Tea. Anyway, I shouldn't have had that mango shake anyway, since I'm not supposed to work out or do push ups or sit ups. But it was sooo soooo yummy. Maybe I'll try to again to exercise tomorrow- Let's just hope it doesn't lead to any dizziness or coughing spells.

Off to bed. ~Tragic Tuyen

(I love my new alias.)

New Boots???

Hmmm, should I or shouldn't I? Although I am super broke my current boots are 3 years old and pretty much shot. I've had to use super glue to re-attach each sole twice. They've been to every No Doubt concert I've ever been to, but one day on my walk back to the parking garage, the sole is going to come off for good.

The last repair was after the Marysville concert, after all that jumping, I noticed a funny sound and I looked down to see half the sole smacking against the pavement with each step. During last week's heat wave, I couldn't wear them at all. (That's all I need, for people to see how poor I am, lol.)

They are even the proper size! I'd have to go to San Francisco to get similar boots that would run at least $175.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=63850&item=5322502067&tc=photo

Maybe I should try to sell my purple Docs first, they were always too big anyway.

Non-boot related news:

I've got to write a 3 page paper detailing my primary source for my research paper on Chinese prostitution in San Francisco in the 19th century. It's due at 3pm tomorrow. Today I checked out 15 pounds worth of books for the aforementioned paper. The SJSU library is shared between the city and the college, and check out policy is pretty much all you can carry. The 10 books I checked out were all that would fit in my backpack (my binder and Africa text were already taking up space.) On my trek back to the parking garage (I wanted to ditch the extra books before History of Africa class), I was crossing my fingers that the seam in my back pack would hold. (It seems like everything I own is falling apart, lol.) Of all my classes this writing workshop class is causing the most stress.

Last night between feeling sick and worrying about school I slept for two hours. When my alarm clock went off this morning I thought I'd set it for the wrong time.

Tomorrow Lisa is ditching writing workshop class to go to the Oakland A's game against Texas. We both ditched last week, but, there's no way I can do that two weeks in a row. Here's hoping the Texas Rangers don't go crazy and start throwing lawn furniture again.

All the usual suspects will be there: Phuong, Lisa B., Adrian, Anne, Mai, Tony, and Lara (whom I've never actually met, I've just seen pictures). Phuong bought all these tickets ahead of time but one of our friends backed out yesterday so there is an extra ticket. Alexandro can't go either. Phuong was thinking of inviting Lisa C., but thought better of it. She's not really an A's fan anyway. As Phuong said today "Yeah, I just have this really bad feeling that if we invite her, she'll get totally shit faced and taunt the A's or the Ranger's and we'll all get our asses kicked by the players or the audience or both. SO let's think of someone else."

This isn't just idle gossip. The very first time I ever went out with Lisa C . and her boyfriend was on Memorial day weekend, which also coincided with SJSU graduation. My dad was out of town so I spent most of Saturday with Phuong at a pool party/ Lisa's graduation party. After the pool party, we went downtown (pretty close to campus, actually) to some other party. Mostly everyone there were water polo players and the only people I knew were Phuong, Anne, and Lisa C. I'd just met Lisa's boyfriend, who I'll call Ed, her brother Josh, and two of Lisa's friends from high school. (Lisa C. is from Manhattan Beach or some other ritzy beach town).

Poor Phuong had just had her wisdom teeth pulled the day before and she wasn't drinking. (She was snapping her pain pills in half so she could drive if needed.) The only alcohol in sight was a keg filled with pretty skanky tasting beer. I wasn't going to drink either, as a show of solidarity with my amiga. But then she decided to have half a glass and I got pulled into a game of quarters with Anne, Lisa C., Josh, and a bunch of people whose names I don't remember and who I'll never see again. We got to this party at 10pm and around 1:15am, a completely shit-faced Lisa and Ed decided that we absolutely had to go to this taco house like 2 blocks away before it closed for the night. Phuong was our driver, and I rode shot gun. Although this was the first time I'd met Ed, he'd been drunk the entire day-- I couldn't even hazard a guess at how many beers and shots he had.

We were in Anne's SUV which can seat seven people with seat belts. I'd only had maybe one and a half beers, so I wasn't as fucked up as everyone else was. Lisa and her best friend from SoCal were sans seat belts, in the very back. There were so many sobriety check points and road closures that there was no way to get to the taco place. Lisa yelled from the back to drive to the other taco house (I can't remember the name) which is part of the same chain, but eight blocks farther away (north).

Phuong did a great job parallel parking Anne's SUV (she usually drives a honda) and we were only half a block away from where we needed to be. It should have been so EASY.

Our group got kind of spread out, and there was another group of guys coming towards us. Phuong and I were towards the middle of the group and Lisa and her boyfriend were maybe eight feet behind us.

I went to elementary school downtown, where, everyone's big brother or sister was in one gang or the other. You just learn different things about different groups of people-- general do's and don'ts. When I saw these guys coming towards us, I just looked towards the ground until they passed us.

Before we even got to the taqueria, Phuong and I heard scuffling behind us. Apparently, Ed didn't yield his portion of side walk and totally rammed his shoulder into this guy.

And instead of apologising or saying, "Hey, I didn't see you there" or whatever Ed totally starts arguing with the guy. Then they are both in each other's faces screaming and cursing at one another, which would have been bad enough. But the guy Ed was arguing with had at least ten friends with him.

Phuong, Lisa and I managed to pull Ed away and we made it into the taqueria. We were also followed by Ed's new friends. Josh and Lisa were holding Ed back. Phuong was placing herself between the two groups and I followed her. 'We were both apologising: We're so sorry, we don't want any trouble. Our friend's just too drunk ,he doesn't know what he's doing.'

Phuong and I stood our ground for at least 10 minutes like this. There we were trying to hold off 10 pissed off guys with sincere apologies-- angry young men who were cursing at us in English and Spanish. During all this confusion Ed kept running his mouth, and the angry mob crept closer and closer to us.

After out last round of apologies, we felt we head definitely made some head way. Our would be foes seemed to calm down a bit. There were actually at least 30 seconds of calm in which there was no swearing in any language. As a matter of fact, not a word was uttered by either group, or the fifteen other people who just happened to be eating there. The guy who Ed had offended issued one last warning threat which went something like "You better watch what you say, son, you're so badass one day you're gonna get your ass shot." But they were backing off. Relief slowly crept onto both our faces (Phuong and I) since there weren't ten guys screaming at us anymore.

And Then....

And Then....

Ed opened his big stupid pie hole again. Of all the things he could have said to make the situation better, I would have thought "Hey, anytime you wanna go, Bitch!" would really be the last thing a person would want to say. Both Phuong and I looked back at him, and then at each other in horror. Some hispanic dude interceded on our behalf, otherwise I'm quite certain Phuong and I would have been crushed in the onslaught.

While the others ate tacos and burritos, both Phuong and I nursed our Sprites, noticing, with heavy hearts, that some people were gathered outside the door, waiting for us. Maybe it was because the others were all still drunk, but only Phuong and I seemed to notice the gravity of the situation.

I still don't know what Ed was thinking. Their group had 10 guys, our group had 2 guys and 9 girls.

But as soon as we left the taqueria, the shit hit the fan. Half way back to the car, a cop car was coming down the street with it's sirens on. 'We're saved!' I thought. 'We're all getting arrested but we're saved.' Only the cop didn't stop, he kept on going.

During the melee the other side did brandish knives and Phuong and were still trying to shut Ed up and drag him back to the car. Actually, we still somehow ended up between all the pissed off drunk people. Lisa told us to bring the SUV and she and Josh would try to control the situation. (Come to think of it, the rest of our group were just sort of watching like bumps on a log, not helping us at all.)

Both of us dashed to the car and sped (half a block) back. When we got back, Lisa was going at it to. Pushing, punching.

Anne was the first in, and somehow Ed was forced in. Everyone made it in, as a matter of fact. Except Lisa and her friend. Anne's car has automatic locks, but at that precise moment, the tailgate lock started to malfunction and would not open. Then we heard Lisa yelling and saw her start pushing the guy who seemed to be in charge of our attackers. We had to physically restrain Ed while Josh, the ever dutiful big brother (and brand new fireman) went out to fetch the remaining two of our party.

I happened to see Lisa in action that night. She's a water polo player on the school team and pretty athletic. But I couldn't help but think 'Lisa, they aren't just going to spike the ball at you and leave it at that.' Sure enough she got knocked to the ground but somehow Josh managed to cram them in through the right passenger side of the SUV. There was so much traffic due to the sobriety check points that we were pinned in the parking spot. After the truck started to rock back and forth, Phuong shifted into park punched the gas (which made a very impressive and loud screech sound) which spooked the knife-wielding angry men enought to jump away.

Seeing our chance, Phuong shifted into drive screeched into traffic and pulled a crazy u- turn in the middle of the intersection and sped away.

The first few blocks were driven in absolute silence. Then Ed tried to talk to Lisa, who was crying.

"Fuck YOU Ed! You're such a fucking asshole!" and similar statements came tumbling out of Lisa's mouth.

The rest of us were completely silent, except for Lisa and Ed. But once Josh started talking, Ed decided to keep his mouth shut. I dunno who Josh had been most pissed off at, but both Lisa and Ed got an earful-- a lecture which, I'm told lasted for at least half an hour after Phuong and I left.

It was only the next week that we started to hear more stories about Ed. How he'd been thrown out of an A's game for starting a fight, and apparently getting his ass kicked in the process was just one tale. (See a pattern yet?)

Anyway, you're in pretty fucking bad shape if your first line of defense are two girls-- Phuong and I. I mean really, are we supposed to get our asses kicked for you or get stabbed?

So-- let's defintitely not take Lisa C. to the game.

Tomorrow I'm definitely wearing my boots. 'Cuz you just never know.

<3 Tragic Tuyen

(What, you thought I was kidding???)

PS. Here's my wish list for new clothes: (clickies)

http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=285791&RN=146

http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=218710&RN=146

http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=290081&RN=445

http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=223330&RN=137

http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=272598&RN=137

Look for the girl with the broken smile

"She Will Be Loved"
Maroon 5

Beauty Queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her everytime she falls, yeah

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
She will be loved
And she will be loved

(I've tried so hard to say goodbye).

[Songs About Jane, 2003]

I've been listening to that song alot lately.

Last Friday (9/10) Phuong invited me to go out with herself Tony, Lisa, Adrian, Chris, Danh and four of his friends who I'd never met before. Phuong's younger sister, Lan, works at a steakhouse in the area, and gets us scorchin' deals on food. Meals and drinks for free, and usually each person tips $10. Without this "discount" we'd never go to this particular restaurant, because each of us would spend a minimum of like $30. I'd agreed to go on this outing the day before, when I wasn't feeling quite as crappy as I was on Friday. I was supposed to be at Phuong's house at 6:45pm, and I didn't make it until 7:15. Usually I'm on time so I felt really bad because of all the people involved. We met Tony there, Adrian and Lisa came later, and Chris arrived last.

While we were waiting for Lan to seat us, we were chit-chatting in the waiting area. The first time I saw Tony after his trip to Hawaii was the day of the CT scan. He didn't know anything about my recent health troubles. And I wasn't planning on telling him, either. That is, I wasn't planning on him finding out about it until Lisa got to Phuong's house and asked "Hey, how'd your CAT scan go? Did they tell you what's wrong?" right in front of him. [grimace] So then Tony was full of all of these questions, which I didn't have any answers to "What the hell happened to you while I was gone?" Hah! That will teach you to go to Hawaii for two weeks , I thought to myself. So that particular evening, I spent much of my time leaning-- on walls, palm trees, you name it. "You doing okay-- you just seem so frail lately," he said. Anyway, last Friday, Tony pulled a total Lisa in front of Danh and asks "Hey, did you get your test results back?" More explaining.

During my five and a half year relationship with my exboyfriend, he constantly ragged me about what I ate. He was a vegetarian, almost vegan, and anytime I ate something that didn't fit into what he thought was "right" for me to eat, he'd let me know. In the beginning of the relationship, I was more willing to go along with all his rules, but by the mid point of our relationship I started to get cranky. Why can't I have hot cocoa made with real milk-- why does it have to be soy milk? Other things I wasn't supposed to eat included: beef, chicken, cheese, rice or any sort of grain/ pasta (he also hated carbohydrates), eggs, milk, or pork. That doesn't leave a whole hell of alot, except salad, soy milk, soy cheese, soy ice cream (well you get the point.) Anytime we went to a restaurant, we'd split a dish, and guess who got the smaller half (and, therefore, went home hungry.)

My point, (and I promise that I do have one) is this: to go to a steakhouse and be presented with so many choices (hey, I can actually get what I want!) I was a bit taken aback. Phuong and Tony both suggested that I should try the steak (since we were, as perviously mentioned, at a steakhouse of some acclaim for our area).

There were so many of us that we were crammed into one booth, with a chair at the end. Everyone else was saying how hot it was getting, except for fever girl over here. I slid into the booth first and Tony sat next to me. (*sigh*)

Being corner girl that night (I've by now perfected my lean) means that Tony spend alot of time talking. Most of it dedicated to Lara, his girlfriend of maybe two months who was off in New York for a week. ("What was she thinking, going to New York on September 11th".) The other, perhaps forty percent he spent asking me if I was okay and how I was feeling. ('Cuz at this point of the evening, I must have looked as great as I felt, as in not very great at all.) He even noticed that I only ate like, a quarter of my food because my appetite abandoned me weeks ago. (Which I guess is a good thing anyway, since I'm not supposed to be working out.)

But I should really just abandon this crush. I'm always attaching significant meaning to these little things which give me hope, yet crush me at the same time. I should forget him, not just because he's got a girlfriend now (this has been at least a 6 month crush), but because I'm the wrong type. Phuong has been friends with him for a few years now, and everyone in our little circle knows that he only dates Asian girls (apparently, everyone but me-- I'd already sunk at least 1 or 2 months into this crush when I found out.) Now, he's claimed in my presence under Phuong's questioning that he's an equal opportunity dater, but no one can remember him dating a non-Asian girl. Clearly, I was out of the running the moment I was born. (Shakes angry fist at sky) 'Why god, why wasn't I born as Asian girl???'

After dinner, we stood (or in some cases leaned) outside while the smokers among us got their nicotine fix and tried to decide what to do next. Object of crush(should I start by trying to forget his name?) notices pained expression of poor sick girl and apologises to her for the fact that she's feeling so awful. (Author desperately tries not to attach any meaning to concern [probably fake, anyway] of crush). Thanh, who was incredibly shit-faced from countless Long Island ice teas kept trying to convince the rest of us to go "go karting." This idea was very unpopular amongst those of us who were not drunk, and who are broke as a joke. ($40 for 20 minutes!)

I went home because I just wanted to crawl under the covers. Before I left he held my hand and told me "Get well soon and take care of your self."

Maybe I should change my name. Current Favourites include:
Tuyen*
O-Ren*
Khanh
Lanh
Tomoko

*denotes most favourite)

Here are some selected horoscope from different magazines for September:

You might feel a bit invisible until the 16th. but by late October you're in extra demand. Hold off on all important matters until the latter half of the month, when the stars will help you seal all your deals. You've been waiting for something special since last May, and on or near the October 27th full moon, it finally arrives. (from Teen Vogue)

Love: Emotions are not reasonable or well thought-out; they just are. Right now, you need to follow your passion and take the path you know you want (certainly, you already know what you DON'T want). Put faith in someone's true love for You!
Work: This limbo you're in won't last forever. In fact, an unexpected offer is about to arrive, as a result of reaching out to someone within the last few weeks. This is your time to step up to a chalenge that will pull you out of your comfort zone. One of your special talents can elevate you to unimaginable heights, making you a star performer. (from Marie Claire)

Reassess this month; the planets are shifting and your world's in a spin. Trash old agendas and redesign your goals. Your psychic radar tunes you in to hot new trends and puts you right on the cutting edge. Friends and lovers are needy and devouring mid-month, so draw the line. The eclipse on the 28th issues a romantic wake-up call. (from Elle)

If all you want to do is lie around in a swimming pool or veg out in an air-conditioned living room, blame Neptune, which is holding an angular position in your solar chart. Don't think for a second you can stay home in your safe little nest now, however. Besides the gaggle of people trying to lure you out of the house, you've got to contend with your irrepressible urge to cross boundaries and experience the world. Such paradoxes aren't news to you, though. Your desires are always messing up your domestic dreams, aren't they? (from Vanity Fair)

Live Well, Doubt Not! Tragic "Tuyen" Saturn

Part II. Rapid Hope Loss

Dashboard Confessional
"Rapid Hope Loss"
A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar

You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to fold
before you're found out.
Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself.
Cause now that I can see you,
I don't think you're worth a second glance.

So much for all the promises you made,
they served you well and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now it's gone and you're wasted on me.

You called to say you wanted out.
Well, I can't say I blame you now.
Sometimes you've got to foldbefore you're found out.
Well thanks, thanks for waiting this long to show yourself, show yourself.

Cause now that I can see you,I don't think you're worth a second glance.
So much for all the promises you made, they served you well and now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
So much for your endearing sense of charm, it served you well
and now it's gone and you're wasted on me.

I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get,
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get, so much for, so much more

Do what you must if that's what you wish, I cannot be a party to this
you have a sense that you were born with
You'll find a way to make things right.
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more
I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get.
so much for, so much more.

I'm so happy it's Thursday. Friday is school free. : ) I'm so exhausted all the time and it sucks.

Yesterday, after I typed my blog entry, I was feeling, I dunno, rebellious or something. It's been since my doctor's appointment (the 24th of August, I think) that I haven't worked out. Honestly, if I hadn't had two and a half slices of pizza at High Tide pizza, I probably wouldn't have felt compelled to. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Marion Jones or anything. But I was worried that the longer I waited to get back to my work out, the harder it would be. I lasted about 15 minutes before I started to feel pretty crappy. "Crappy" as in super super dizzy.

A few years ago I was drinking with my (now) ex's sister. She was making some vodka OJ concotion. I don't know how many I had, but the room started to spin really bad.

I took a short shower and pulled my jammies on and went to bed. It was awful-- I felt as though I was in some horrible amusement park ride. The bed was perfectly still and the room was spinning around me really fast whether my eyes were opened or closed. After about an hour, it subsided and I thought I'd got get some water.

Big Mistake.

As soon as I stood up I immediately lost my balance and almost fell over. When I tried to get back up and walk, I went "slam" into the wall. It sounds really funny, like something you'd see Wiley (sp?) Coyote do. I had a bump on my head today, but my hair hides the bruise.

Alexandro was back in classes today. His mother had surgery a few days ago, but there was some kind of complication and she didn't get to come home as soon as the family thought. Then Alexandro's dad had to go to the ER because he had a really high fever and was puking and super dizzy. It sucks when bad luck runs in pairs like that.

I managed to talk to a real person at Schmiser and leave a message for my doctor. She called back almost 4 hours ago. The short version of what she said (she left a message on my cell phone) is:

The CAT scan looks okay, both the radiologist and a specialist looked at it. She said something about the dye and about the IV infiltrating (???) but I don't see how that could possibly be my fault. I'm supposed to take my temperature everyday, and I'm supposed to go down to her office once a week for the next 5 weeks to have my temperature taken.

I feel like she doesn't believe me, that I'm making it all up. This afternoon I started to feel really weak and my throat hurts. I'm feeling to miserable to sleep though.

Is it so unreasonable for me to want Schmiser to find a way to fix me, you know, SOON?

Sorry to whine so much. I really do know that there are tons of people on the planet worse off than me.

<3 Tragic

Part I: Military Blogger News

I thought this was interesting. I believe Sean (DocintheBox) posted a similar article a few weeks ago, but I may be wrong. This is from the Wall Street Journal.


Army Blogger's Tales Attract Censors' Eyes
By CHRISTOPHER COOPER Staff Reporter, The Wall Street Journal


(Sept. 9) - Army specialist Colby Buzzell figured he'd cap his yearlong deployment to Iraq by mustering out of the service this winter and easing into a new career. "I was thinking about maybe driving a cab," he says.

But that was before he launched My War, an Internet-based chronicle of his life as an infantry soldier in Mosul, where he mans a gun in a Stryker brigade. Written under the nom de guerre of CBFTW (Colby Buzzell F -- This War), the blog is a mixture of gripping accounts of caffeine-driven battle maneuvers and amusing vignettes from the dusty grind of life in Iraq's third-largest city.

CBFTW's writings are a hit in the blogosphere, with his Web page logging 10,000 hits on a recent day.

But Spc. Buzzell's writing aspirations may prove his undoing as a professional soldier. Recently, shortly after his commanders discovered My War on the Web, Spc. Buzzell found himself banned from patrols and confined to base. His commanders say Spc. Buzzell may have breached operational security with his writings. "My War" went idle as he pondered the consequences of pursuing his craft while slogging through five nights of radio guard duty, a listless detail for an infantryman. More recently, the pages again went blank, as he chafed under a prepublication vetting regime imposed by his command. Such prepublication censorship is rare in the modern military: Soldiers' missives haven't been routinely expurgated since World War II and the days of "Loose Lips Sink Ships." The Pentagon doesn't prescreen soldiers' communications, whether print or electronic, assigning the job of policing soldier-journalists to commanders in the field. There are restrictions against divulging references to specific troop locations, patrol schedules or anything that might help the enemy predict how U.S. troops might react to an attack. But commanders in Iraq rely on the honor system and soldiers' common sense to enforce restrictions. Infractions are in the eye of the beholder, difficult to define but easy to recognize in practice.

Censorship that does occur usually comes after the fact. Earlier this year, Army investigators were forced to go stateside to track down reams of snapshots of Iraqi prisoner abuse that Abu Ghraib guards disseminated by e-mail or sent home on computer disk. In July, an Army captain was reassigned and stripped of his leave home after writing an opinion piece published in the Washington Post.

Lt. Col. Barry Venable, a Pentagon spokesman, says blogs, like other forms of communication, are tolerated so long as they don't violate operational or informational security. "We treat them the same way we would if they were writing a letter or speaking to a reporter: It's just information," he says. "If a guy is giving up secrets, it doesn't make much difference whether he's posting it on a blog or shouting it from the rooftop of a building."

Still, many bloggers, some operating in obscure corners of Iraq where traditional reporters are scarce, appear to be flying under the Pentagon's radar. There's "American Soldier," a diary compiled by an Army reservist currently preparing for his second call-up, who describes himself in an e-mail as "p -- ed, frustrated, happy and sad at the same time." A site called "Boots on the Ground" is heavy on detail about U.S. armaments. "Just Another Soldier," a National Guardsman's account, is available only by e-mail request, the author says, after his command, citing security concerns, asked him to dismantle the site.

In the age of Web cams, instant messaging and Internet telephone service, widespread censorship simply isn't possible, military officials say. "I don't see how you could censor with the instantaneous flow of information we have now," says one Army officer, "unless you're standing over someone's shoulder while they're typing. And who's got time to do that when the bullets are flying?"

Security violations are rare, says Spc. Buzzell's top commander, Brig. Gen. Carter Ham. "The commander does have a responsibility to ensure no inappropriate information is released," Gen. Ham says in an e-mail, noting that among the 8,000 men under him, only Spc. Buzzell has come under scrutiny. "While [operational security] is a very real everyday concern for us, I do not see potential violations as widespread," he says.
Spc. Buzzell's blog, riddled with misspellings and larded with obscenities, conveys the kind of raw honesty that prompts military mothers to write weepy e-mails by the score. Soldiers have told Spc. Buzzell they sometimes strip out the curse words and send his writings home as their own.

He credits as his inspiration the author Hunter S. Thompson, whose first-person articles and books about politics and drug use were popular in the 1970s. But My War probably is more reminiscent of Michael Herr's "Dispatches," a bleak, first-person account of the Vietnam War widely regarded as one of the best examples of military journalism. Mr. Herr's book took years to arrive on the mass market, but Spc. Buzzell's accounts offer near-instantaneous immediacy. And as his case demonstrates, a casual detail -- that his unit had run low on water during a maneuver, for instance -- can easily get a soldier into trouble.

The blog entry at the root of Spc. Buzzell's difficulties was an Aug. 4 piece called "Men in Black." Opening with a bland, four-paragraph squib about a Mosul firefight that he snatched from CNN's Web site, Spc. Buzzell spins a riveting account of a nasty, hours-long firefight with scores of black-clad snipers. It begins with an enemy mortar attack and a testosterone-driven scramble to arms. "People were hooting and hollering, yelling their war cries and doing the Indian yell thing as they drove off and locked and loaded their weapons," he writes. He describes a harrowing ambush. "Bullets were pinging off our armor all over our vehicle, and you could hear multiple RPG's [rocket-propelled grenades] being fired and flying through the air and impacting all around us," he writes. "I've never felt fear like this. I was like, this is it, I'm going to die."
Spc. Buzzell's account caught the attention of the News Tribune in Tacoma, Wash., the newspaper that covers Spc. Buzzell's home base of Fort Lewis. Noting that the attack got scant coverage by bigger media, the local paper drew heavily from Spc. Buzzell's anonymous account. The Pentagon's internal clip service picked up the News Tribune story and it landed in the hands of commanders in Iraq.

Within hours, Lt. Col. Buck James, the battalion commander, ordered Spc. Buzzell to his office. Spc. Buzzell quickly shaved and grabbed fresh fatigues to see the colonel he had never met. As he later recounted on his blog, he arrived to find Col. James leafing through a massive printout of his Web writings, which someone had marked up with a yellow pen. The colonel, whom Spc. Buzzell described as a cross between George Patton and Vince Lombardi, opened with a question: " 'Youre [sic] a big Hunter S Thompson Fan, arnt [sic] you?'"

Spc. Buzzell says he was called to account for two details: the observation that his unit ran low on water during the hours-long standoff and a description of the steps he took to get more ammunition as the firefight waxed on. Both were excised from his online archives.

In an e-mail exchange, Col. James says the Army was concerned about a possible security breach on Spc. Buzzell's blog, but had no desire to muzzle him. "I counseled SPC Buzzell along with his Platoon Sergeant on these points and ensured that he understood that anything he was unsure about should be reviewed by his chain of command," Col. James says. Spc. Buzzell has "performed gallantly" as a soldier, he says.

But Spc. Buzzell's trouble with the command continued. A few days later, after leaving a mocking message on his blog to the military intelligence officers he now assumed were reading along, Spc. Buzzell was ordered confined to camp. He was returned to regular duty and posted a few more times, but he recently removed all of his archives from the site, and new postings are now sporadic. He says it just isn't as fun to write, now that he has to submit everything to his platoon sergeant prior to publication. "I was never edited before," he says. "Now I am."

Spc. Buzzell said he hasn't decided whether to permanently stop posting. He says he received scores of e-mails when "My War" went silent and even got some subtle nudges from his command to continue. Indeed, Col. James seems nostalgic for Internet accounts of his men. "To be candid, I believe the widespread popularity of his writing came as a bit of a shock to him and he was uncomfortable with the attention," Col. James said in an e-mail. "Personally, I think he is a talented writer and a gifted storyteller and should pursue his talent."

Copyright © 2004 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

The tide is high but I'm holding on.

No Doubt News: No Doubt won two VMAs in Miami. They won for No Doubt's "It's My Life" video-- Best Group Video and Best Pop Video categories.

Taken from the No Doubt Homepage:

GWEN
Gwen has completed the recording of her first album which is due for release on November 23. The album is currently untitled but the first single "What You Waiting For?" will be released in early October. Producers and collaborators on the album include Andre 3000, Nellee Hooper, Tony Kanal and Linda Perry among many others. Gwen is so excited to share all the new music with everyone and begin promoting the album. Photo shoots for various US and international magazine covers took place recently in London. Look for them to hit newsstands in late October. Go to www.gwenstefani.com to learn more.

The Fall 2004 collection of Gwen's clothing line L.A.M.B. will be in stores soon and you can view her current Le Sportsac guest designer series at www.lesportsac.com.

The Aviator is currently slated for release in mid-December. Watch for Gwen making her acting debut playing the role of Jean Harlow alongside Leonardo DiCaprio.

TONY
Tony is producing and co-writing with newcomer Elan Atias for his debut album. Tony also worked with Elan on the 50 First Dates soundtrack. The pair are currently in Miami and Jamaica working on the album with numerous reggae and dancehall producers including Salaam Remi, Sly & Robbie and Steven "Lenky" Marsden. Look for the album on Interscope Records in 2005.

Tony produced and co-wrote the songs "Crash" and "Serious" with Gwen for her upcoming album. The tracks were recorded at his home studio with Tony covering synths, keys and programming.

TOM
Tom's two current projects are: working on a environmentally friendly home landscaping project and writing a thesis on the meditative properties of sleep. You can read more about Tom at www.tomdumont.com

ADRIAN
Adrian just wrapped up a fun summer of touring with Bow Wow Wow and Oslo. In between he joined Unwritten Law in the studio to lay down some drum tracks for their upcoming new album. Adrian also took a turn at acting with a small part in the Miramax film The Underclassman due out in early 2005. And of course, look for Adrian golfing on the Celebrity Players Tour including November 10-14 in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
[posted 9/7/2004 U.S.A.]

Boring news from my own life includes the fact that I have two quizzes tomorrow. I turned in a paper today for my writing workshop. Definitely not my best work, I'll have to try harder next week. Phuong's first afternoon class was cancelled, so she sat through a bit of our workshop class. Our professor had arranged for us to go to the library for the standard "how to use your library rescources" tour. I've been on this tour three times, and Lisa works in the library and gives the tour. So on the way to the library, our plan was to slip away from the group and ditch class. Lisa, however, had to go to her cubicle and print out her paper. So then we had to hide in her cubicle and try to flee. We made it without being noticed, but Lisa almost tripped on our run to the elevator since she was wearing flip flops.

We couldn't come to my house because:
1. My dad is sick --> house is sull of germs
2. Dad is home, and would know I ditched.

So instead we went to the mall. I hit the Papaya and bought several halter tops with see through fabric. Phuong had a craving for vegetarian pizza, so we drove out to High Five pizza, at Branham and Snell. I'd never been there but the pizza was very cool. I always knew Lisa was picky with food, but she scraped everything off of the pizza except for the cheese. Actually, now that I think about it, that's the first time we've gone out to eat when she hasn't ordered a tuna salad sandwich. oh, and Tony, my crush of six months met us there.

Au Revoir! ~Tragic <3

You do what's best girl, Cuz you're a mess girl, Now you're an ex-girl!

EX-GIRLFRIEND
No Doubt (G. Stefani, T. Dumont, T. Kanal)
Return of Saturn

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
You say you’re gonna burn before you mellow
I will be the one to burn you
Why’d you have to go and pick me?
When you that we were different, completely

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend, Woah
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend, Woah
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me
So does your freedom
You say you can’t stand the restrictions
I find myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn’t have to
And I feel so mean, I feel in between
‘Cause I’m about to give you away

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (am I making a mistake?)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (all the time that we spent)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl, friend

I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

(You do what's best girl
'Cuz you're a mess girl
Now you're an ex-girl)

I’m about to give you away for someone else to take
I’m about to give you away for someone else to take

We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we’ve been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I’m going to die
I know I’m going to want you and you know why
It’s going to kill me to see you with the next girl
‘Cause I’m the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl friend
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I should have thought of that before we kissed

For all those non-Gwenabees and Doubters, there was a slower, sadder version of "Ex-Girlfriend." Check it out at GreenerPastures.us or EIT.com.

Gwen herself explained the eveolution of the song on vH1 Storytellers, which aired on 8/10/2000:

"I was trying to write 'Raspberry Beret' basically. Tom and I wrote this song called 'Ex-Girlfriend' and it's funny, of course, in life and in love there's ups and downs. I was having a bit of a slide downwards at this point. It's kind of like high school, break up and get back together. It's all 'romantic'. It's all fun and exciting. [The original version] was really sad and 'sorry for me' and the lyrics were really intended for me, they were really for my heart. So you can understand, you know, the lyrics were just like 'Oh, another bummer No Doubt song!' Just what we didn't need for this record. So we threw it away."

They didn't go back to "Ex- Girlfriend" and rework it until they thought they were done with Return of Saturn. Probably no one finds that as fascinating as I do!

During The Singles Tour (Summer of 2004), I went to four shows:
Shoreline (Mountain View [6/19]), Marysville (6/21), Chula Vista (6/24), and Santa Barbara (July 2). Half the fun is just seeing how Gwen switched up the lyrics. At the Marysville show, for example, instead of singing "Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl," it became "Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous, wicked, evil, disgusting kind of ex-girl!" (Again, something probably I'm only interested in... but I'm skankin down memory lane now!) And of course, the other change in the live version is "But I should have thought of that before we fucked! fucked!" Some people think "damn, that Gwen Stefani swears like a sailor!" but she only does it 'cuz we all go so fucking crazy when she does it! (ahh, if only time travel actually existed)

As far as school goes, I had three classes today. World History 1A and 1B, and History of Africa before 1800. The professor of the Africa class is strict compared to my other teachers. The class goes from 6pm to 8:45-- no eating or drinking allowed. It was sooo hot today, and the guy insists on having the windows and doors closed. Sheesh, there's almost 50 people in that tiny little classroom. Towards the end of the class, people were barely hanging in there.

My dad has been sick for the last two days. Yesterday, when I was home all day, he didn't run the air conditioner at all. Today when I'm at school, he runs it all day. Hmf! I see how it is.

While I was in class, my doctor called and left some random message with my dad. It went something like this "There's nothing you've got to worry about-- NOT YET. Call me back." Yeah, sure, but you didn't leave your number. My dad's grilling me... "you know something! You know something and you're not telling me!" Shit, it's times like these I wish I had a place of my own.

My dad is already convinced I have cancer and he wouldn't stop talking about it on Thursday. Hypochondria is catching. I spent the whole night freaking out about it. Imagining my poor little bald head.

(sigh)

This line goes out to my exboyfriend.....

You know it makes me sick to be on that list!

~Tragic

I'm gonna close my eyes and maybe it will go away!

"Platinum Blonde Life"
No Doubt (G. Stefani, T. Kanal, T. Dumont)
Rock Steady

I'm closing all the curtains
So don't you even bother
And they're calling out murder
But I'm underneath the covers
And who's fooling who
With this mood like a train?
Watch me roll over
Get out of my way
And there's a knock on my door
But I'm not gonna open it
I'm gonna close my eyes
And maybe it will go away

I want a platinum blonde life
So I keep bleaching out the color
I try to say what I oughta
But never drink enough water
And where did my lamb go?
I wish she could stay
I feel empty as a widow
I'm gonna sleep it all away
And there's a knock on my door
But I'm not gonna open it
I'm gonna close my eyes
And maybe it will go away I

'm going to sleep all through the day
I'm going to sleep my life away
I'm going to sleep all through the day
I'm going to sleep my life away
I'm going to close my eyes and maybe it will go away
And there's a knock on my door
But I'm not gonna open it
I'm gonna close my eyes
And maybe it will go away

"Platinum Blonde Life" is one of my favourite songs off of the Rock Steady album. If they could have had five singles off of that album, PBL definitely should have been one of them. During the Rock Steady tour of 2002 I was so friggin' amazed at the live version of this song.

I think I wrote a little about my ex-boyfriend in one of the first posts on this blog. I won't rehash too much but I broke up with him in February. We are NOT friends. I haven't talked to him via phone or e-mail since and I have no intention of doing so.

He, on the otherhand is taking a different approach. A week after we split up, he turned up at my house. We'd been together for 5 years so he knew my schedule as well as my dad's. He showed up right after my dad left for work, at 7:45am. Since I didn't have class on Friday, I was still snoozing in bed. I've never ever been an early riser.

That morning I woke up to banging on my bedroom window. He was shouting "I know your in there! Come out and fuckin' talk to me!" My dog went bananas and started barking up a storm, but I didn't make a sound. 'What the hell,' I thought 'there's no way I'm going out there.' He continued for almost 30 minutes. I crawled quietly out of bed and hid on the floor with the phone in my hand. You know, just in case I heard the sound of breaking glass.

For someone who's favourite shows are Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess, I was very disappointed in myself. After about 20 minutes of silence, I finally marshalled some courage to peak out the wondow. (I was convinced he was trying to wait me out, like those Tom and Jerry cartoons.)

Every once in awhile, I get these e-mails from him. At first they had really abusive titles. I just deleted them without even reading them. About two months went by-- nothing.

Two nights ago I got another email from him. Damn! It's been seven months. What the hell do I have to do??? When we were together, he always said that if I ever left him, he would kill himself. For a 19 year old on her first relationship (with someone twice her age) this felt like quite a burdensome responsibility.

Phuong and Tony say I just need to "kick the door closed." Tony says that I have to tell him in some way (email, phone call, letter) that there is no possibility, whatsoever, of a reconciliation. Phuong takes this theory a bit further-- "Call him up and lay into him! Think of all the nasty things he ever did to you and UNLEASH on his ass!" Hmm. I'm afraid to do either of these.

I'd rather just close my eyes, hide under the covers until it all goes away.

In unrelated news, I still have not heard from my doctor about that CT thing. Phuong (she's very good with dispensing advice) has advised me to call her back tomorrow (Tuesday) rather than wait for her to call me. Last week I said no to unlimited free beer (welcome back to us SJSU students from neighboring merchants) since I felt unwell. Is it unreasonable for me to just wish the people at Schmiser would find out a way to fix me already??

What do you all think?

San Jose is in the middle of a heat wave. It was 99 degrees today. This sounds really mean, but I looked at the weather section of the paper today and thought to myself 'At least I'm not in Riyadh (108)... or Baghdad (118)... or Anaheim (107 [Long Live NO DOUBT]).

Live Well, Doubt Not!! Tragic

Telepopmusik

I'm really hooked on this song by Telepopmusik called either "Just breathe" or "Just believe." It was used for a car commercial and I'd always hear that song, but it took forever to find out who sang it.

This being Thursday night, or more correctly Friday morning, I've just completed my first week of school. Last Wednesday (August 25), in my writing workshop, our professor assigned "Sugar Creek: Life on the Illinois Prarie" for us to read and write a 5 page paper on-- due the next class meeting (September 1).

The first paper of the year, no matter how short, is always the most difficult to write. I find myself wondering, 'wait, how do I footnote?' Although I had to stay up until 2am, I did write my paper. I've got two friends in this class, who I'll call Lisa and Alexandro. Both campus bookstores were out of "Sugar Creek," and Lisa couldn't find it at Barnes & Noble or Borders. This guy used to teach at UC Berkeley and it pretty strict-- no late papers PERIOD. So poor Lisa gets a zero because she couldn't find the book.

Speaking of books, I spent $350.02 on books. Since Roberts Bookstore was out of the boofs for Religion 1, I didn't even buy all my books yet. That's not even for new books, I always try to buy used books-- that haven't been attacked by 6 different shades of highlighters. (Really, what's the point of highlighting at all if you are going to highlight whole pages at a time?!)

Anyway, last Wednesday my friend Phuong decided to sit through what she was sure would be a brief intro to my writing worskshop class-- Lisa, Phuong and I were going to have dinner at Peanuts after school. This class starts at 3pm and runs til 5:45-- but sometimes on the first day, the professor will let the students out early. This was not the case. Phuong sat through the entire class with us. Poor girl, she's already taken the class.

Peanuts, right across the street from San Jose State, is an institution. Students and professional drunks alike frequent the establishment. You just can't go wrong when a grilled cheese sandwich and fries costs $3. That's cheap for around here. Lisa had tuna salad, Phuong had a tuna melt. The A's game was on and "Hey Joe" was playing rather loudly. (Jimi Hendrix, for those who don't know.) It's the kind of place where you have to yell to the person next to you. Also, it's the kind of place (and I speak from personal experience) where we girls have to got to the rest room in pairs. If you don't have someone to guard the door, some skanky drunk will barge in on you, claiming he didn't know anyone was in there. (Yeah, right, that's why you banged the door hard enough to knock the "lock" switch to the "unlocked position".)

When it was my turn, after I closed the bathroom door, I realised that the owners had added something new. One of those quarter machines-- 75 cents would buy any sort of coloured/ flavoured/ textured condom, "asian tightening cream", or watermelon scented stuff to provide a "warming sensation." I wondered what sort of cut the management gets from a vending machine like that? (And then thought, 'ewwww, why is the floor sticky?') Ahhh, urban living.

Directly around SJSU, the crime rate is much higher than the rest of the city. There are lots of those half ways houses where people on parole live. Also, for the whole county, more registered sex offenders live directly around campus than anywhere else.

It's something I think about on my walk clear across campus to the parking garage after my night classes. I just try to walk as fast as I can.

I have no news about my CT scan. I'm supposed to wait for her (the doctor) to call. Hopefully, Schmiser wouldn't let me languish if they had thought up a way to help me. I'm still feeling crappy, but I'm just taking loads of tylenol and crossing my fingers. If it was something deadly they would have let me know, right?

~Adios amigos, Tragic